How To Tell If Someone
Needs Help

You may be the only person who is in a position to notice when someone is failing and in need of help. What kinds of things should you look for? Below are several common trouble areas. What matters most in each area is CHANGE. For example, if the person has always hated housework, it's not a problem if her house is messy, as long as it's not significantly more messy than usual.

HOUSEKEEPING:

Is the house as clean as it used to be? Are there huge piles of dirty laundry around? Are appliances working? Is the house as warm as usual?

NUTRITION:

Is she eating her usual meals? Has he lost significant weight? Does the refrigerator have about the usual amount of food in it?

MOBILITY:

Is she moving around as well as she used to? Does she struggle to get out of a chair? Does she walk smoothly and appear to have good balance? Does she have bruises? Has he fallen? Does he handle steps well? Can she get where she needs to go? How is her driving?

PERSONAL CARE:

Have her grooming habits changed?

PSYCHO/SOCIAL:

Does she get out about as much as she used to? Is her general outlook on life the same? Does she usually remember important tasks, such as turning off the stove after cooking?

Perhaps, having gone through this list, you find areas of concern. What should you do? In helping someone find solutions, you must first know the cause of the problem. For example, maybe her house was been freezing cold the last few times you visited. Is the furnace broken and she doesn't know whom to call? Is she afraid of having a strange repairman in her home? Can she not afford the cost of heating? Is she not strong enough to lift firewood? Each of these causes would need a different solution

The simplest way to find out the cause of a problem is to ask. In a straight forward, respectful way, mention that you have noticed the house being cold and wonder if there is some problem. You would be surprised at how often a simple question that shows that you care will break through social barriers and allow your friend to be open about her problems.

Once the causes of the problem are identified, you can help find solutions. A ride to the grocery store for example, is usually easy to arrange. Some problems are more difficult, and you may not know what to suggest as a solution. The good news is there are lots of resources to turn to for help. For complex problems, try involve all family members as well as health professionals.

On the other hand, you may find yourself totally rebuffed in your attempt to help. If person is of sound mind, what you do depends on how dangerous the situation you feel the situation is. While we would all rather people we care about be as safe as possible, people of all ages often choose to tolerate some risk in order to satisfy other needs. The need for independence, for example, is often strong enough to override all other needs. Generally, mentally competent people have a right to make their own choices in these matters. It doesn't mean that you don't keep trying to convince him/her to accept help and perhaps involve others in your efforts.

If the person seems not of sound mind and is posing a danger to herself or others, you must try to help, even if that is only to alert someone. Usually family members are the best persons to call, but sometimes a physician or a pastor may be preferable. If you aren't sure what to do, talking to your local Senior Information Assistance Representative can help you think it through. Your nearest Senior I&A can be found by calling the Area Agency on Aging for your area.

Remember, a Busybody is someone who persistently meddles, inappropriately, into other people's lives. But a Friend is someone who cares enough to notice when something is wrong. A subtle but important difference.

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